The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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