Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
