i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
