so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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