There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
