I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
