I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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