The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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