Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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