just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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