just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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