I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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