So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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