I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
