you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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