he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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