Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
