Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
