hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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