walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
