I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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