just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
