why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
