conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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