So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
