OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
