i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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