I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
