my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
