Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
