watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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