You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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