I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
