I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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