Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
