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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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