In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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