My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
