you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
