So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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