I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
