Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
