thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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