literally had 100 drinks last night.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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