yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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