The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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