you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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