remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
