Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
