Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
