1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
