I need to stop coming to work sober
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
