The best revenge is premature balding
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
