Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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