he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
