i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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