I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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