Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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