i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
