I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
