Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You made out with two different species that night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
