if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
